My sister Jillian and her husband Seamus asked me to give a reading at their wedding on October 22, 2011. I decided to write my own reading and came up with this…

Delivering the reading at Jillian and Seamus's wedding. Photo courtesy of Kaz Photography (www.kaz-photos.com)

When Jillian asked me to share a few words during her wedding ceremony, I was honored. I was also surprised that Seamus agreed to it, knowing that the end result may be a series of inappropriate jokes or embarrassing stories in the middle of one of the most important moments of their lives.

I’ll hold off of the embarrassing stuff for now… you can just wait until the wedding reception for that.

While I’m honored by this opportunity to be a part of Jillian and Seamus’s wedding, I wouldn’t call me myself an expert on love. I mean, I know a little bit about love, but I’d say I’m still learning.

But then again, unless you’re Dr. Phil or Maury Povitch, is anyone really an expert on love? Look at Steve Jobs, he did a lot of amazing things for our world, but when it comes to love… there’s still no app for that.

So as I began writing this speech, I set out on a mission to answer the big question… What is love?

I started by looking at what other people had to say about love…

And as a guy who loves Leo DiCaprio and Claire Danes in the Romeo and Juliet remake, I figure where better to kick off the search than with old Billy Shakespeare…

In one of his sonnets, he wrote…

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

OK, so translation please?

True love is strong and unshakable. It can weather any storm.

It’s a guiding light for the weary or lost.

The real value of love can never be measured, but you can sense when love has grown to fill your life.

Love endures forever, until you take your last breath.

Thanks, Shakespeare. That’s a good start. Where to next on this love search?

Many people use the bible as a guide in life. Certainly, the good book must have some advice for a chap on an exploration of love.

So, look no further than the 1 Corinthians 13.

1 What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge? And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing unless I loved others.

3 What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? [a] I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.

4 Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or 5rude.

Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.

6 Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.

7 Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.

8 Love never fails!

(Now, just jumping down a couple lines…)

13For now there are faith, hope, and love.

But of these three, the greatest is love.

I think we’re getting somewhere now. I think the verse is telling us that love is not something you search for in life… but it is love that should guide your life.

Love provides the roadmap to a happy, fulfilling life.

You may be the most knowledgeable person in this room or any room. You may possess great skills that set you apart from others. You may have all the riches in the world, and you may even be willing to give it all away in a big, showy display for everyone to see.

But without love, without loving others, it’s pointless. You’re wasting your time.

Kindness, patience, selflessness, trust, loyalty, support – if you have that, you have love.

Then there’s the part about faith, hope and love. Love is the greatest of these because all that we value in this world is derived from love. Even intangibles like faith and hope are derivatives of love.

I feel like we’ve made some good progress on this journey. But just to make sure we cover our bases, I wanted to look into what one of America’s greatest philosophers had to say about how one should go about recognizing love. And while this individual did not write these words, I believe it was she, who recited them most eloquently.

Does he love me, I want to know.
How can I tell if he loves me so?

(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no, you’ll be deceived.
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no he’ll make believe.
If you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss.
(That’s where it is.)

Is it in his face?
Oh no, that’s just his charm
In his warm embrace?
Oh no, that’s just his arms.
If you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss.

Oh, Oh, Oh, hug him.
Squeeze him tight,
To find out what you want to know.
If it’s love, if it really is, it’s there in his kiss
Oh, oh, it’s in his kiss

Yes, that’s where it is.

Thank you, Cher. Always remember, true love may be hard to find and even more difficult to define, but you’ll know when you have it. Because, as Cher reiterated when she recorded the Shoop-Shoop Song in 1991, it’s in his kiss.

Well, Jillian, is it? Is it in his kiss?

But to come back to the first question… what is love?

I don’t know.

Does anyone really know what love is, in general? I don’t think it’s a question you can answer for others in the broad sense of the word, love.

We know love when we have it, and we crave love when we don’t.

But everybody’s love is different. You know your own love. Jillian and Seamus know their love. And we know Jillian and Seamus are in love.

When you look at them, you can feel it. You see it in the smiles they share, in their personal connection, in their devotion to each other. You know it’s love because while they are strong independently… together, they are even stronger. The love that Jillian and Seamus share is a force to be reckoned with.

Love is unique. Love is inspiring. Love is a necessity. Food, water, shelter and love – we can’t live without any one of them.

Love is something we must all cherish, and today we celebrate the love of Jillian and Seamus.

Congratulations.

On behalf of our family, I wanted to share a few thoughts and feelings with everyone who has joined us today to remember Esther Mackowiak and celebrate her life.

Grandma Mack to me and my sisters, Busia to our cousins, Mother to our parents, aunts and uncles, dear friend to so many others – she lived life for others. She lived life for us.

I think we all feel very fortunate to have been able to share in her 91 years of life. There’s no question that hers was a life to celebrate.

A woman unburdened by the kind of selfishness that brings down so many, Grandma Mack wanted her friends and family to rely on her. She was always there for us whenever we needed her – whether it be for a couple of bucks for lunch money, or a few hours to watch one of us grandchildren, or for a few words of encouragement, or a warm hug to dry some tears.

In the days since Grandma Mack passed, I’d say we’ve shared more laughs, than we have tears. And I think that is evidence of a woman who lived a full, happy life. It’s indicative of the type of woman she was.

She wanted smiles and laughs, more than she wanted any material thing. There are few individuals in this world who have made more people smile and laugh than Esther Mackowiak.

We’ll always fondly remember the biggest smiles and loudest laughs.

Always loving, always caring, our Grandmother instilled faith, family and community in all of her grandchildren. She didn’t do it through lectures or anything like that. She instilled the important values of faith, family and community through example. Those were the values she lived.

She wanted us to work hard – to strengthen our faith, to grow our family bonds tighter and to make a difference for our community.

And we wanted nothing more than to make our Grandmother proud. We’d say that extra Hail Mary in church. We’d try to tell jokes to extinguish any sense of tension. We got involved in school and community groups to help others.

And it was the hard work that made her proud. She bragged about our accomplishments, and she was there for us if we were to stumble or fail.

In his eulogy of Robert F. Kennedy, Ted Kennedy read a few words that Robert had written about his father Joseph. Words that also describe the relationship we shared with our Grandma.

“What it really all adds up to is love – not love as it is described with such facility in popular magazines, but the kind of love that is affection and respect, order and encouragement, and support. Our awareness of this was an incalculable source of strength, and because real love is something unselfish and involves sacrifice and giving, we could not help but profit from it.”

That is exactly the kind of love that we received from our Grandmother.

Unconditional, limitless affection.

Respect for where we’ve been, and support and encouragement for where we’re going.

Unselfishly willing to make sacrifices for others.

Our Grandmother’s love is the foundation upon which this family was built. A strong foundation that can weather any storm, it’s what Grandma Mack left behind for us to cherish for years and years into the future.

Over the past few days, there’s been a lot of talk about food. Whether it was Grandma’s golabki or pierogis, chop suey or meatloaf, we all looked forward to Sunday afternoons at Grandma’s house to enjoy a delicious lunch with the family.

And as much as Grandma loved filling our bellies with her healthy portions of delicious eats, I think food was just her tool to get the family together.

It worked time and time again. No matter what you may have had going on, it was nearly impossible to turn down a Grandma-cooked lunch. I think you have to credit Grandma and her golabki for keeping the family ties close and strong.

As we mourn our loss and celebrate heaven’s gain, we are for grateful everything that Grandma did for us and for our family.

She was a kind, generous, caring woman who put her family before herself.

She loved to have a good time.

She laid down the law, and she’d be ready to throw down if you messed with her family.

She worked hard. She lived a life fueled by faith.

She trotted the globe looking for new adventures.

She was the most interesting Grandma in the world.

As Christians, we try to live in the example of Jesus. We know it’s an impossible task – none of us can live without sin – but it’s what we strive to do.

Well, I – for one – am going to strive to live in the example of Esther Mackowiak – a life driven by faith, family and community.

I hope I can make her proud.

Grandma, thank you for your love, for the laughs, for all you instilled in us. We love you and we’ll miss you.

Thank you.

President finally visits Western New York

Originally published May 14, 2010 in the Dunkirk OBSERVER

By JOHN MACKOWIAK, OBSERVER Staff Writer

BUFFALO – In a region that has been nicknamed the Rust Belt, in a city that’s experienced significant population loss, in a neighborhood hungry for investment, President Barack Obama – who campaigned on a message of hope and change – gave hopeful yet realistic remarks about economic recovery to a manufacturing company that has exhibited growth amid recession.

“If you’re still looking for a job out there, it’s still a recession,” Obama said. “If you can’t pay your bills or your mortgage, it’s still a recession. No matter what the economists say, it’s not a real recovery until people feel it in their own lives.

“But I want to just say to Buffalo, I want to say to all of you, and I want to say to America, we can say beyond a shadow of a doubt: today, we are heading in the right direction.”

Obama visited the facilities of Industrial Support Inc., or ISI, at 36 Depot St. in Buffalo to discuss the role of small business in helping the American economy rebound.

When he took office, the nation was in economic free fall – about 750,000 jobs were being lost each month. Preventing “another Great Depression” was “job number one” for his administration, Obama said.

The president acknowledged that times have been tough in Western New York long before the global recession began.

“It’s been tough everywhere but cities like Buffalo have been especially hard hit,” he said. “Even before the most recent downturn began – years before – you were seeing jobs disappear and factories shut their doors.”

He called such economic trends “tough on families and devastating to communities.”

And now after some drastic measures to reverse the decline – the Recovery Act, saving the American auto industry, preventing the collapse of giant investment banks – the economy has begun to show signs of recovery.

In April, 290,000 jobs were created.

However, Obama said, the government’s role in job creation and economic growth must be limited.

“Government can’t create jobs, but it can create the conditions for small businesses to grow and thrive and hire more workers,” he said. “Government can’t guarantee a company’s success, but it can knock down the barriers that prevent small business owners from getting loans or investing in the future.”

The president visited ISI to highlight small business as the engine for future economic growth. Founded in 1995, ISI started with just five workers. Today, the company employs about 70 people. Over the past decade and a half, Obama said, small businesses have created 65 percent of all jobs nationwide.

The Obama administration has committed to supporting small business development.

“America’s small business owners – people like (ISI President) Dave Sullivan – have always been the backbone of America’s economy,” Obama said. “These entrepreneurial pioneers, they embody the spirit of possibility, the tireless work ethic and the simple hope for something better that lies at the heart of the American ideal.”

Included in the Recovery Act were loans to small businesses, awarded through the Small Business Administration. Sullivan received one of these loans last year to help him expand his company.

“It’s a loan that allowed him to pay the bills and purchase new equipment. Last fall, he was even able to increase his workforce,” Obama said. “And today, he feels optimistic that he’ll be able to hire more workers in the near future.”

The Recovery Act has supported over 63,000 loans to small businesses, which adds up to about $26 billion in new lending, the president said.

Last week, Obama delivered a piece of legislation that includes a small business credit initiative to congress.

Originally published May 14, 2010 in the Dunkirk OBSERVER.

By JOHN MACKOWIAK, OBSERVER Staff Writer

The machinery was shut down and work came to a halt at Industrial Support Inc., or ISI, as the Buffalo-based manufacturing company welcomed President Barack Obama.

A diverse – politically, ethnically, socioeconomically – crowd gathered at the factory for a chance to hear from the president on his first-ever trip to Western New York.

Waiting in anticipation for the arrival and words of the president, excitement was visible on the faces of elected officials, small business owners, ISI factory workers and their children, community activists and members of the media.

“It’s tremendous. We’re honored,” said ISI President Dave Sullivan, about Obama visiting his company. “We have great employees, and it shows their hard work and the accomplishments they’ve achieved to make this possible.”

Sullivan built ISI from a five-employee company to what it is today, employing about 70 people?

Max Branham, vice president of operations at ISI, echoed Sullivan. The hard work of their employees have driven their success, leading to this presidential visit, he said.

“It’s a tribute to the people that work here – all these people that put in a lot of hard work. We really like our factory. We think we have a good work force, a good working environment,” Branham said. “And the people do a good job for us. It’s the thrill of a lifetime, just to have the President of the United States visit your facility. You’re here, our children are here, our grand children are here, it’s something that’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”

Dunkirk resident Natalie Luczkowiak has been hard-at-work, volunteering for Organizing for America, or OFA, since before the organization’s name was changed from Obama for America.

Thursday, Luczkowiak finally got the chance to meet the man for whom she has worked so diligently. After taking a picture with and shaking the hand of the president, she said she was surprised and shocked to have the opportunity to share a few words with Obama.

“I always thought that if I was going to have a chance to say anything to him, I wanted it to be encouraging words to him,” Luczkowiak said, “because I know there’s a lot of rhetoric out there that is very discouraging. But I think he’s an inspiration, so I just wanted to say something that would make him feel good and encouraged.”

So what did she say? “‘I’m Natalie Luczkowiak from Chautauqua County, with your organization,’ and I said, ‘You’re amazing, and we’re so proud of you.’”

The president was humble in response to her kind words, Luczkowiak said. And while she doesn’t remember exactly everything he said, he thanked her for her hard work.

Congressman Brian Higgins, D-South Buffalo, also shared a conversation with the president Thursday.

“I’ve talked (to the president) about the great people of Buffalo and Western New York, the extraordinary resilience of the people of Buffalo and Western New York and businesses here who have stayed here, who have reinvested and who are now experiencing good growth like this company here,” Higgins said.

When asked about his thoughts as he waited for Obama to come on stage and give his remarks, Higgins said, “first of all, the people of Buffalo and Western New York have been very welcoming, including a lot of folks from Chautauqua County – both north and south – that are here today.”

ISI can serve as a national model for small business growth, Higgins said. He hopes he’ll be able to soon say the same about Western New York serving as a model for the economic growth.

“We can innovate, but we have to be courageous enough to embrace change, to embrace new technology, including green technology to be in a continuous improvement mode,” Higgins said. “And that way, you’ll come up with new business investment and job growth. You can’t become complacent. You always figure out whatever it is you’re doing today, how you can do it more efficiently tomorrow.”

Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown said the presidential visit signifies that the White House is aware not only of the challenges facing the region, but also the opportunities.

“It’s incredibly meaningful to Buffalo, but it’s meaningful to all of Western New York and upstate New York that the president is focusing his Main Street Tour on an upstate New York city,” Brown said. “It shows that he’s listening, that his staff is listening. And that he is formulating strategies that while they will impact and help all of America, they will also help upstate New York.”

Greg Krause wore a shirt that declared his support of gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. He said he was a Republican, and he added, “he’s not going to talk about anything I want to listen to.”

“I’m very excited about it,” Krause still admitted. “I don’t support the president, but I do support the office of the president.”

Krause was skeptical of what Obama will gain from his Buffalo trip.

“It’s a quick little visit. He’s going to talk for a little while, and he’ll forget about it tomorrow.”

ISI employee Sal Pecoraro was joined by his sons Sal Jr., 8, and Steven, 14,. Sal Sr. was thrilled to be able to share the moment with his children.

“It’s a chance of a lifetime,” Sal Sr. said. “I’m glad we’re here. I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad he picked our company. And I’m glad he’ll speak on behalf of all the people of the United States – the blue-collar worker.”

Sal Jr. said he’s excited to see the president in “real life.” He said he wants to move to Washington, D.C. when he gets older but not to be president.

“I want to maybe become a chef,” he said.

Originally published Feb. 11, 2010 in The Observer

By JOHN MACKOWIAK
OBSERVER Staff Writer

In a preliminary hearing Wednesday, Village Justice David Prince ruled there is sufficient evidence stacked against Jason P. Wells, 37, for his second-degree murder charge to move to the county for action by the grand jury.

Wells is charged with second-degree murder in the death of Ruth Fisk.

If the grand jury indicts Wells, he will be arraigned on that indictment in front of a Chautauqua County court judge.

“We put in what we felt we need to put in in order to get the case held over for action by the grand jury,” said District Attorney David Foley. “We were successful in what we needed to do today.”

Prince did not set bail because local courts are not permitted to set bail when an individual is charged with second-degree murder or any other A1 felony. Wells will be held in Chautauqua County Jail. According to Foley, the defense has the option of submitting an application for bail to a superior court.

Public Defender William Coughlin and Assistant Public Defender Janice Slaton served as counsel for Wells.

Foley called on three witnesses to relive their observations and experiences from Friday, Feb. 5 the day Wells was arrested.

The testimonies of Village Police Officer John Ferrara, Village Police Sergeant David Price and County Coroner Richard Mackowiak filled in the details of the crime.

Scheduled to work the hours of 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Feb. 5, uniformed Officer Ferrara was one of the first responders to arrive on the scene One Temple Square, apartment 301. The time was 12:18 p.m. when he was dispatched.

After being greeted at the Temple Street complex by an apartment manager, Ferrara was escorted to the crime scene, along with another village police officer and an EMT.

The door to apartment 301 was partially open, Ferrara said. Inside, a white male was sitting on a couch with multiple beer cans on the floor around him. Ferrara noticed stains, which appeared to be blood, on his pants.

“Do you see that man in this room?” Foley asked, while Ferrara was on the stand.

“Yes, he is sitting next to Mr. Coughlin,” Ferrara responded, referring to Wells.

Ferrara continued with his description of events.

“I asked, ‘What’s going on here?’” Ferrara said.

Wells proceeded to give a tale of what happened. Wells said he found Fisk’s body in the parking lot and decided to bring the body up to his apartment.

Then, at approximately 12:25 p.m., Ferrara stopped Wells from saying any more, and, believing Wells would be a person of interest, he read Wells his Miranda rights. Ferrara asked him if he understood and if he wanted to continue answering questions.

Ferrara recalled Wells responding, “Yes sir. I’ll answer anything you want.”

Shortly after, Sergeant Price arrived on the scene. The decision was made to take Wells to the police station.

Since Wells was not wearing any shoes, Ferrara took Wells to his bedroom to get a pair. There, Ferrara observed stains on the floor and a stained pair of pants on the bed. The stains were believed to be blood.

Before being taken to the station, Wells told Ferrara where he had found the body. Ferrara examined the site and said there appeared to be no blood stains at the location. Wells also alleged that he carried Fisk’s body from the parking lot to the building in a grocery cart.

Pointing out which cart he had used, Ferrara looked at the cart and saw no blood evidence. Regardless, an apartment manger was asked to lock the cart in a room, anticipating that it would become evidence.

Wells was then taken to the village police station. Ferrara and Sheriff’s Investigator James Hanson questioned Wells.

During the interrogation, Wells tried to give the same story he had started telling Ferrara earlier.

It was Wednesday night, Ferrara recalled Wells saying, when he found Fisk dead. According to Wells’s first statement of events, he attempted to call Lakeshore Hospital to contact the morgue, so they could pick up the body.

“We (Deputy Hanson and I) weren’t comfortable with what he was saying,” Ferrara said. He added, “We called him a liar.”

The questioners asked Wells if he killed Fisk.

Wells relented. He changed his story, confessing to the crime.

“I killed her,” Wells said, according to Ferrara’s testimony.

Wells asked the officers if he could type or write his own statement. Over the course of approximately 30 minutes, Wells typed his statement.

During the hearing, Foley inquired whether Ferrara could recall what Wells had said in his confession statement. However, before Ferrara could tell the court about Wells’s own retelling of the event, the defense requested the statement be instituted as evidence and considered by Justice Prince without Ferrara reviewing it in his testimony.

Later that day, at approximately 6:15 p.m., Sergeant Price and a sheriff’s deputy spoke to Wells, asking follow-up questions, according to Price’s testimony. Price entered Wells’s answers into a computer and printed the statement.

While it was entered as evidence, this statement, too, was not reviewed in court at the request of the defense.

However, Coroner Mackowiak did report the matter and cause of death, which was determined following a Feb. 6 autopsy by the Erie County Medical Examiner.

“(I found) the manner of death to be homicide,” Mackowiak said.

The cause of death was strangulation and blunt and sharp-forced trauma, according to the coroner’s testimony.

Foley still has not yet received the official autopsy report from the medical examiner. Also, he could not confirm whether the observed stains had been blood. The evidence still has not been tested.

“We’re still less than a week into this,” Foley said. “I mean, we at some point, have to sit down, look at what evidence was collected, make a determination as to what will be sent to be tested.

“It’s a tragic and really awful situation,” Foley added. “You’re dealing with an elderly individual. It’s tragic. It’s upsetting to the community, and it’s an unfortunate situation.”